Saturday, October 14, 2006

around the world in 90 days

well, it's the night before. technically, the day of. (departure, that is) i'm feeling.... i have no idea what i'm feeling. all i know is that somewhere between packing socks and cotton balls, i started to cry. i have so much on my mind that i cannot think of any one thing clearly. i seriously feel as though i'm looking at everything with one eye open.... it all just appears like a shallow wall in front of me. needless to say, i've had to stop packing for a little while... because i was packing about one item per half hour. too bad i don't have time to be in slow motion. i can't believe that tomorrow is it! really... i'm not sure why, but it really still does not seem like i'm leaving tomorrow, and i think that is what's scaring me the most. i'm kind of in shock. maybe it's worse this time because i've been preparing for this and working toward it for so long. for the last two years it has always been something in the distance, and now it's actually here! while i'm in shock, i still cannot stop thanking God for the miracle He has brought me to.
it's a strange thing. the last few days i've been very selective about everything i've eaten, done, etc. because i knew it would be the last time i tasted or tried doing it for a while. i cared more about relationships and those in my life. saw family i haven't seen in months. and i cannot help but think... is that how these amazing little "sparrows" are able to live life to the fullest each day? they know their days are numbered... they don't think they're invincible, as the rest of us do. or maybe it's the opposite: maybe they do think they're invincible, because of the freedom they find in Jesus Christ. and maybe that's why they live such bright little lives. well, maybe some light will be shed on this soon.
hopefully, the rest of these posts will be more content and less jumble... but who knows! i'm sure there will be far TOO much to type. but i'm going to try to post as often as possible. i think i'll post my "support" letter, to shed some light for those who have not yet seen it. it will explain much more about this mysterious place to which i am going. may the journey begin! (eek!) :O)

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