Stacy Beery

STACY IN EGYPT

2010-04-06T08:05:00.000-07:00

EGYPT’S TOP 10 THINGS [11-1]

2010-04-06T07:44:00.000-07:00

1. The hyeroglyphics. After staring at the walls long enough, I started to actually be able to understand some of it… Made me want to study it.

2. The TONS of artifacts everywhere… Made me want to be an archeologist. Would have grabbed a shovel and just started digging, but I would have been arrested.

3. The pyramids. You can only get them here. Vegas does not count.

4. The beautiful women. Primarily their Cleopatra-like eyes.

5. The protection. Our tour group was nearly always escorted by bodyguards, who often acted as my personal bodyguards. Overly friendly girl+ tendency to wander + single status = overprotective guard (who wanted to keep me to himself!) It was very funny when one of the Bedions was trying to dress me up… I thought my guard was going to kill him just for wrapping his arms around me. If looks could kill…

6. GYPSIES (& their mint tea)!!!!!! As much as you all think I already am one, I’m nothing compared to the Bedouins, who have hardly changed for thousands of years. They have no residence, but rather go (via camel, donkey, and foot) where the wind blows them…Although, let’s face it—it’s Egypt…. The wind doesn’t blow very often. Thus they live in semi-stationary camps in the desert. I heard many observers pitying these people, as they seem to live in such harsh conditions… I envy them. F-R-E-E-D-O-M. During my two personal encounters, they took me right in… As you can see.

7. The loop cross & the beatle. These are symbols of life and protection… These, along with the Bee, were my favorite Egyptian symbols.

8. The money. Instead of some gray haired old man, there are pharaohs in full head-dress! Much more exciting!

9. St. Catherine’s. “The oldest working Christian monastery in the world.” This was our first stop in Egypt…. Completely different than anywhere else we went. A picture of solitude and serenity. It is a church where the alleged burning bush [still] is… and sits beneath Mt. Sinai, where Moses met with God.

10. Luxor. Luxor is completely different than Cairo... it is so much more lush and green with beautiful flowers everywhere. Cairo has the pyramids and the sphinx, but Luxor holds the best temples and tombs.

11. The Cairo Museum & mummies! So creepy and so fascinating. When in Cairo, do the museum, and pay the extra price to see the dead kings… unwrapped.

-1. The heat! It gets sooooooooooo hot! Engrained in my mind is our group, wandering around the Valley of the Kings outside of Luxor, thinking that we were all going to collapse—It was great to go in the tombs, if for no other reason, than to cool off! Ok, there were many other reasons, but it was a nice bonus. [Plan your trips accordingly, and drink lots of bottled water!]

EGYPT'S TOP 10 PHOTOS

2010-04-06T01:13:00.000-07:00

Call of Prayer. The sun was setting as the moon was rising over Luxor Temple; and as the huge statues of pharaohs and “gods” stared down at me, Islamic chants began to sound from the nearby mosque.

Golden Markets. There are few things more enchanting than walking through small alleyways lined with stalls of bold colors, flashing metals, and fresh foods. My favorites in this market: the lights, the hookahs, and the antique camera and watch place where I bought my old Cairo train engineer’s pocket-watch (the only watch I own).

Sun Setting on Pyramid. The pyramids are frighteningly close to the city… I guess I should say, the city is frighteningly close to the pyramids! But as I gazed up this powerful silhouette, I was instantly transported back in time to ancient Egypt.

Mooving. The roads in Cairo are the craziest I have witnessed in the world. Every mode of transportation, carrying every sort of thing, all at the same time… going every different direction… A taxi ride in Cairo is one of the greatest adventures one can take! (I think Sheryl would agree.)

Mary’s Light By Day. I passed her in an alley on my way to Ben Ezra Synogogue… one of the most amazing churches/ temples I’ve ever been in (where I was not allowed to take pictures). It has an incredible story, though.

Farm View from Train. Oh, the overnight train from Cairo to Luxor!... Where I could touch every part of my room from one spot. It was a very fun, musical (yes, I still have your dance moves on video), experience… and Luxor was definitely worth the long ride!

Neighborhood View from Bus. There are really no houses in Cairo. Everyone lives in concrete apartments with tons of satellite dishes on the tops of the buildings… It’s all quite strange.

In the Shadow of Giants. Inside the courts of Luxor Temple… a huge area surrounded by giant limestone puzzle pieces (ruins that have yet to be pieced together). In fact, there are ruins all over Luxor; for this reason, people are actually forbidden to dig under their own homes, because they will undoubtedly dig up some great treasure!

Sacred Bloom. The lotus flower. This, along with the papyrus plant, is one of the most holy symbols of ancient Egypt… and it is no wonder why, with such beauty.

Nile River Guide. There is nothing like floating down the Nile River—especially at dusk, while listening to our guide’s eerie tunes being sung and played (drums and back-up by his sons).

Beware the Ides of March

2010-03-15T08:19:00.000-07:00

March 15, 2010 has actually arrived, and I'm embarking on my Antarctic voyage.

This is a huge endeavor for various reasons... (In fact, it is feeling much bigger now that it is really happening!)

For me, this means achieving a life-long dream of conquering every continent! Out of my lifetime, this will be Number 7! (For this trip around the world, it is the 6th continent I've touched so far.)

I am facing many fears, today, as well... and putting to good use my favorite quote...

A ship in a harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are made for.

Since there is no one else here to say it, I'll say it myself:

Bon Voyage!

STACY IN ISRAEL

2010-03-04T14:26:00.001-08:00

ISRAEL'S TOP 10 THINGS--well, 11 minus 1

2010-03-04T14:18:00.000-08:00

In no particular order…

1. Israel is a diverse place in every way: even its natural beauty can shift from dry desert to lush greenery.

2. The food! The food here is absolutely incredible… So rich and so fresh. I can see why meals here have brought people together since the beginning of time! Hmmm, maybe all of the world leaders just need to get together and eat.

3. Olive trees. They are so old and so beautiful. If the trees could talk… The Garden of Gethsemane is just a small garden of olive trees… I ate one fresh off the tree… not the same!

4. Wandering away from the tourists to remind oneself of what it’s really about. Although, this got me into trouble from time to time… mainly just with my guide—a descendent of the shepherds in Bethlehem, who threatened me with the Biblical story of the shepherd breaking the lamb’s legs in order to keep it close… I had to be reminded often.

5. The peaceful countryside and old ruins… I enjoyed this much better than the gaudy shrines that people have made out of significant places—At the same time, if they wouldn’t have done this, then we might not have known where things took place.

6. Experiencing the sorrow. Without the group noticing, I stayed behind… down in the dungeon where Jesus was chained to the walls and held as he awaited his execution. I just sat there in the silence, with my wrists and ankles pressed against the cold damp stone… thinking how strong those chains must have been… to hold up the weight of the world.

7. Freshly squeezed pomegranite juice!

8. Tons of beautiful artifacts everywhere… even being made into jewelry, like my widow’s mite and Roman glass cross necklaces…. {which I’m not sure if I actually agree with, but was apparently happy to enable}.

9. The intensity in the air—especially in Jerusalem. For better or worse, it is always there and always tangible… definitely unique to this place.

10. The water: Sea of Galilee, River Jordan, Dead Sea… there is something mystical (or maybe just miraculous) about them.

11. Experiencing several different religious ‘holidays’ at the same time (Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Ramadan)… and hearing varying calls of prayer—which was also a little freaky, they were so overwhelmingly powerful/ forceful. I had a love/ hate relationship with the eeriness of it.

-1. The worst part about Israel, for me… was learning the truth. And realizing that there is no black and white—just gray. The only clear line… is a giant wall with barbed wire on top. [Enlightening fact: There are Christians living inside this “West Bank” wall… and only 5% of them are allowed to pass through it.]

ISRAEL'S TOP 10 PHOTOS

2010-03-04T09:00:00.000-08:00

Sunrise over The Sea of Galilee. I stood on nearly every side of this lake, I ate it’s St. Peter fish, and I floated on an old boat in the middle of it… and felt as though I was transported back in time a couple thousand years. [In case you’re wondering how I was up so early, it’s because we (my tour group) had already been awake for hours worrying that our hotel was going to burn down after a small fire broke out in the basement.]

Living Water. These hands belong to one of the sweetest men I’ve ever met—a good mate from down under, with whom I had the pleasure of touring the Holy Land and re-affirming my Baptism… in this water: the Jordan River.

Out of Darkness. A view from the stairs leading down to “the sacred pit” where Jesus was held while He waited to be killed. Look closely out the window… You’ll see the city of Jerusalem, complete with the golden “Dome of the Rock” in the Temple Mount (which is off-limits to Christians and Jews).

White Dove of Peace. Positioned above mourners on the Wailing Wall. Irony. And here you can view my favorite and even more ironic dove in Israel. It’s possibly the loudest bird in the world, yet it doesn’t make a sound. To solve the riddle, read the article… For an even greater understanding, I challenge you to spend this Christmas in ‘O Little Town of Bethlehem.’

Mary of Nazareth. This statue stands tall outside of the church that sits above Mary’s home (that she grew up in)… where (from the outside) one is able to view the old remains underneath the relatively new cathedral that sits atop. While I like this photo, this was not my favorite Mary… for some reason, my favorites were always the sad Mary’s… they just evoke such strong feeling.

Jerusalem Glass. Every chapel and cathedral had gorgeous stained glass windows. I loved this one because it was one of the more abstract ones… and it features the Jerusalem Cross, which you will only find in the Holy Land.

Jesus’ Donkey. The poor thing is still waiting for Him to come back.

Sheryl’s View. “Stacy is walking where Jesus walked!” My cool roommate played video commentator as I wandered down the only area around the City Walls where one is able to view/ stroll down original (structural) remains from the time of Jesus [because Jerusalem just kept being rebuilt on top of past ruins]… made of very impressive limestone boulders.

Place of the Story of The Good Samaritan. Unfortunately, this guy represents a different character in the story. Imagine being left out there. (It’s much bigger in person.)

Windows to the Soul. The eyes of my Palestinian Christian friend—likely the most well-informed, just, and unbiased person I’ve ever met… and possibly ever will meet. These eyes have seen quite a bit. Just look in them.

A New Approach

2010-03-03T08:41:00.000-08:00

March 16th will mark 6 months of world travel. [Since I'll be forging the Antarctic seas at that time, I'll go ahead and do this now.] Time has definitely crept up on me... which could also be observed in my last post entitled "quarterly"... where I didn't realize that I was actually already 1/3 of the way through my trip! I have done just about as much as a human could possibly do during this time-- which is why it has gone SO fast. Though there have been ups and downs (and craziness all in between), I really do not think I would have changed a single thing so far.

So you're probably wondering, "Why the new approach?" Well... While my experiences have been amazing, my journaling has definitely been lacking! My camera bag has not left my side, but I have (unfortunately) rarely picked up a pen or pencil. The primary reason for this is that I am never willing to sacrifice experience for documentation. [This means I only do it when there is nothing better going on... which isn't often.] A secondary reason for this is that I didn't want to post my private journals-- I wanted to have 2 separate ones... a private journal and a public blog... PLUS, I wanted to make videos of each country I visited. [And did I mention I'm working on a book, too!?] Needless to say, that was so overwhelming that I haven't managed to do well at any one part of it!

On the other hand, some of you did not expect to hear from me at all, because I said that I was wanting to fall off the radar... and that you might not hear from me online or otherwise for a year. Not only was that disappointing for people who care about me and want to "track" my adventures, but I was also cheating myself out of quick and easy ways to record my experiences.

So here is my solution:

A few short and sweet summaries in a few different places...

1. THE BLOG [http://stacybeery.blogspot.com]

I'll be posting my TOP TEN PHOTOS from each country to this blogspot.

-Hard to narrow down-- but much easier and faster than short films... which I still hope to make (but might not be until my traveling is done).

-These are just my fave pictures (from a photography & content standpoint)-- not necessarily the best summation of the country... I'll leave that for the videos.

I'll be posting a TOP TEN THINGS (11 minus 1) about each country to this blogspot.

-This will be the good, the bad, and the ugly about each country (based on my encounters).

-May or may not have accompanying photos.

I'll be posting some SELF-PORTRAITS from each country to this blogspot.

-I really hate this part, but all I hear are requests for more photos of myself... so here ya go!

2. THE TWITTER [http://twitter.com/StacyLeighBeery]

I'll be posting 1-or 2-liner UPDATES on random every-day experiences to twitter.

-Won't be able to 'tweet' every day, but I'll do my best! And yes, it will be random... very random.

3. THE FACEBOOK [http://www.facebook.com/StacyBeery]

I will use my facebook as a NOTIFICATION of when I have updated my blogspot.

-Other than that, most of the content on my facebook is just what other people post. [In fact, nearly all of my photos were posted by other people.]

-I basically just use it right now to get in touch with people/ make new friends around the world.

-Oh, and I try to keep my "current city" current... In case you're wondering where I am.

COMING SOON TO A COMPUTER NEAR YOU!

[We'll see how I do with the second half of this trip... I may have to come up with yet another approach...]

QUARTERLY

2010-01-15T22:52:00.000-08:00

It has officially been 4 months since this journey began. I cannot believe it! And yet, I know that I have accomplished more in the past four months than in the last four years of my life.

While I am a quarter of the way through my world tour, there are still many uncharted seas ahead. The Lord has watched over me in ways I cannot put into words, so thank you for your prayers-- I can feel them each day. Please remember me still, as I am about to go into possibly the most risky stretch of my trip, hitting 4 continents in one month-- all to places I have never before been.

Grateful for your care and support.

All my love,

Stacy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

2009-11-09T20:47:00.000-08:00

Where have the years gone? And where have the last two months gone??? It has been a whirlwind since I left home in September. I toured through Israel and Egypt, volunteered and safari’d my way through Kenya and South Africa, and now I am (thankfully) unpacking in Australia, where I’ll be staying for a few months! Now that I am able to breathe a bit easier, you should be hearing from me more.

In fact, as a birthday present to myself, I am taking the day to update my personal journals and blog site. So here I am, officially old today (which was yesterday, in Australia)… the big 2-6. I have passed that great 1^st quarter century… and am now in the 25-50 quarter… Having a hard time with that one. Farewell youth! It’s been real. It’s been fun. And it’s been real fun.

At the same time, age is just a number, right? And getting older doesn’t mean that the adventure is over—On the contrary, it is just beginning! That’s what this year is about: clinging to the adventure of life! Instead of spending my time and money on simply improving my stuff, I’m exchanging it for real experiences… Ones that will leave me forever changed. Speaking of Forever Changed, if you want to hear the lyrics of my heart right now, go here (http://www.purevolume.com/foreverchanged), find the playlist at the top, scroll down to the song Knowledge, and listen. I pray that you are all reminded, as I am, that there is so much more to this life than the things that we so easily entangle ourselves with on a daily basis. Why were you put on this earth? That is one of the many questions I am asking people as I travel around the world this year… self, included.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

This phenomenal (haha) post is dedicated to the many wonderful people who have sent me birthday well-wishes… especially all the poor Facebook friends who are not able to post on my disabled wall and have to send me special messages!

I must also send HEAPS of thank-you’s to my dear Aussie friends who have given me an unbelievable birthday, complete with trips to the mountains, the rainforests, the ocean, the mall, the best chocolate shops in the world, and Chinatown (where I also celebrated my 21^st birthday, five years ago!) That doesn’t even include all the gifts I’ve been spoiled with… Including my theatre tickets to see Jersey Boys tonight! [Appropriately, in the words of Frankie Valli & the Four Seasons (and my girl, Lauryn Hill), “You’re just too good to be true…”]

~Cheers, mateys!

Sands & Seas—The Stacy World Tour

2009-09-24T11:46:00.000-07:00

So... this “blogspot” was originally meant to continue on after my experience at Sparrow Village. However, some unexpected circumstances held me back from sharing my life journey with others for quite a while. [I was a bit stunted when I returned from my experience in South Africa—as I should have been… and then I experienced my own personal loss later in the year (2007).] It has been nearly 3 years since my last entry… which, for me, is very hard to believe. Three years seems like so much when you are younger; as I get older [a quarter-century now!], I can see how time slips right through one’s fingers. I cannot imagine it passing by any faster than it is now, but I know that this will happen. Often times, I would just like life to stand still. Maybe that is why I am embarking on this new journey…. Well, at least that is part of it, I’m sure.

This “new journey” is really just the next chapter for me. I am traveling around the world for one year (God willing). I am trying to separate myself as much as possible, rip myself out of my comfort zone, and simply go with God… to every continent.

In reality, going around the world for a year is going to breeze past me, I’m sure. It may very well be the quickest year of my life. However, in choosing to remove myself from the hustle and bustle of life… to slow down, seek God, and explore His creation… I think that the quality of sand will slow the hourglass.

Many people have asked me about the purpose of this trip. There are many reasons for this trip (a few of which are stated above)… One reason this trip will be good is that I feel it is in God’s timing…and purpose for me, of course. I have wanted to do this for a long time. (Actually, I feel that God began whispering this in my heart when I was a teenager.) However, the time was not right.

The last couple of years have especially been about waiting on God. My father died exactly two years ago today [something that my heart still struggles to accept]. I do not like hearing myself say that it has been two years—that is two years too long—but I have peace because the relationship continues. [It’s hard to explain.] And I continually understand and feel the love of my Heavenly Father more each day. Anyway, I had been torn between feeling the urge to both go and stay, at the same time. I was waiting on a peace that I was not sure would come. Well, after two important years of staying—I just know that now is the time. I know that I know. We shall see what will become of it… or come from it???

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing too earth-shattering in the above post—Just wanted to let you know what I am doing. I feel that my words here have been far too simple and not made much grammatical sense—or at least could have been phrased much better. I’m just going to attribute that to listening to broken English for a week, as I am already on the first leg of this crazy world tour—Israel.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year- Sparrow Style

2006-12-31T16:04:00.000-08:00

a colorful christmas dinner, in pretty much every way.

a christmas present herself; this precious little gift was dropped off at sparrow just this week... merry christmas?

seeing these faces on christmas morning was the greatest gift i could have ever received

adult patients and caregivers. note the beds lining the tent, for those who are too ill to sit and eat at the table. this is community, church.

yes, those are braids (a long & funny story). and this is nomathemba. she had a silent christmas...as she is deaf (yet another surprising effect of HIV)...but that did NOT stop her from leading music at chapel on christmas eve. it's so beautiful when our deaf kids start songs... the others just join right in.

trash bag gift wrapping, "father christmas" and black baby Jesus in a manger: the kids were often reminded of the true gift of christmas... and they acted it out in the most wonderful nativity play i've ever seen. so simple and so zulu. they made the story their own.

just too tempting

oh, christmas tree: cindy laughs at our tree and wrapping as her daughter (visiting) chews on a litche... a strictly african fruit that resembles an eyeball when peeled

kids, fireworks, and bare feet... a great way to bring in this new year. 2007.

more kids

2006-12-19T13:01:00.000-08:00

the kids

2006-12-11T16:50:00.000-08:00

sorry! i just spent 3 hours downloading a bunch of photos... and then deleted them all. i don't have enough time to try again... i need to get some sleep. here's two for now:

note the circles under the eyes :O)

Countryside (from the train)

2006-12-11T15:05:00.000-08:00

My favourite pics...

2006-12-11T14:40:00.000-08:00

Here are just a few of the heaps of photos I've taken here. I thought I'd put some up (for your viewing pleasure) before I leave for Capetown for a week!! With the exception of the overnight safari I took last week, this is the first break I've had since I've been here. Living here really makes this a 24/7 job. You can't take nights and weekends off... because there are kids needing to be taken care of. It's like a never-ending (less entertaining) summer camp. Without being able to drive, I have rarely even left Sparrow. Dealing with such stressful issues while being trapped inside a fence is enough to make any person crazy. I'm coping with this scenario much better now, but it will still be nice to have some time off. Although, it's so hard to leave the kids. I can hardly handle leaving them for a week-- How am I going to be able to say goodbye in a few weeks?? Where has the time gone?

Diana & Lilian

2006-12-11T08:00:00.000-08:00

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

2006-12-07T22:34:00.000-08:00

Too bad I'm not 'the tough.' It's also unfortunate that I'm surrounded by the tough, who truly do get going (and not in a good way) when things get tough. To put it mildly, the kids can be very hardened... the staff can be very hardened. This has been one of my greatest struggles here. Another one of my huge struggles is realizing that, in a 1st world-3rd world country (this is how I refer to South Africa), something like AIDS doesn't just pop up out of no where... smack dab in the middle of a happy home. Here, AIDS is usually tied to poverty, which is often tied to hate, abuse, and so many other deep-rooted issues. I recently had a conversation that went something like this:

"no one could possibly understand the depth of this destruction
satan has his hold...
and the roots go far too deep
not too deep for God
but i have no idea where to start digging."

This is a poor attempt to explain my loss for words lately. When I, myself, am able to wrap my mind around all of this... You'll be the first to know. (It may be a while.)

In Memoriam

2006-12-01T11:44:00.000-08:00

On World AIDS Day, I would like to honor my [beloved] personal statistic, Nothando Sithole... For those of you who feel distant from this crisis, here is a way for you to feel very close:

NOTHANDO SITHOLE
13 October 2004-
31 October 2006

Her name means "loved one"... and that, she was.

WORLD AIDS DAY

2006-11-30T00:43:00.000-08:00

TOMORROW (FRIDAY) IS WORLD AIDS DAY. I just want to encourage you all to get as involved as possible. If nothing else, spend the day educating yourself on AIDS and read some statistics. (Here's one for you: 15 yr olds in South Africa currently have a 70% chance of contracting the HIV virus in their lifetime.) I'm sure there are many ways to get involved in your area, and I hope you take advantage of this opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Introductions: Corine (director/ Rev./ nurse/ Harley Queen)

2006-11-30T00:07:00.000-08:00

Introductions: "Teacher" Patience & Dr. Karl

2006-11-26T01:48:00.000-08:00

Introductions: Cindy

2006-11-24T00:35:00.000-08:00

Introductions: Pauline (who is back in Chicago now)

2006-11-23T14:16:00.000-08:00

home

2006-11-21T12:58:00.000-08:00

finally!

2006-11-21T12:24:00.000-08:00

Well, since I don't have much to say at the present time, I'm going to catch you all up on some of the basics. The easiest way to do that is through photos, which I am finally able to post! So here goes...

You are my hiding place

2006-11-20T11:29:00.000-08:00

As time goes by, there is really too much to say. Things here are getting very overwhelming... and there is nowhere to find relief. Thus, this week I have been forced to rely on God more than ever. I've cried with Him, talked with Him, walked with Him. It is so much nicer than doing it on my own. So, while life gets more difficult every day... He comforts me.
I am also comforted in knowing that I am right where I'm supposed to be. No matter how frustrating things get, there is no doubt in my mind that this is exactly where God wants me. That is extremely encouraging. I can actually see how my whole life has led me to this moment... especially my experiences in the last few years. Living in Australia, being a summer camp counselor, working at an inner city Chicago high school... it is unbelievable how things have tied together... and how God has trained me and prepared my heart. I really think that's what life is: A succession of purposeful and intentional events, as long as we are allowing ourselves to be used by God. In the insane jigsaw of my life, things are actually fitting together. I wonder what the picture of my life will look like when the puzzle is complete. (I pray it's the face of Christ)

When it rains, it pours.

2006-11-13T07:19:00.000-08:00

sooo, my birthday was surprisingly nice!

I received about a dozen beautiful birthday cards from the kids, Corine brought me gifts, and Cindy (my new roomate who has worked here for the last 4 years) and Merrie (the 2 wk. volunteer social worker from the UK) took me out to dinner. I had experienced several difficult days, so I was very relieved to have such an enjoyable day. Since then, things have been a bit better. It's been raining nonstop here for about 3 days, and when it rains in South Africa... it POURS. "The rains came down and the floods came up" very quickly. Anyway, I've noticed that this can also be related to other areas here.... emotionally, when it rains at Sparrow, it POURS. When things get rough here, it's easy to feel very lonely. I have this constant struggle of trying to do things on my own... or letting God take care of me. In the last few days, I've tried drawing closer to Him... and He has not let me down. I once read a church sign that said, "When God reigns, it pours." I think I'll focus on this latter concept.
I've decided to start a girls' bible study/ mentor group. The older girls are so desperate to fill the voids in their lives. We actually have one 17-yr old who is pregnant. These girls really have no model of what a Godly young woman is. It's interesting that everyone here seems to be religious, but I don't know how many actually understand what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. These kids have been fed so much rubbish their whole lives: being abused by their own parents, being told by pastors that they have HIV because they are evil, being told by their teachers that they're "BAD." Everything that has been sown in these kids' lives is now being harvested... Making work at Sparrow very complex. How can you expect them to act "normally?" This past week I have seen a lot more of where the kids are coming from: the types of places they've lived, their personal stories... Things are starting to make more sense... and I'm actually amazed that these children have come so far.
There are so many stories to tell... I hope to get to a few of them, at least. I promise to post more pictures soon, which are worth a thousand words each... so that should tell a few stories, right?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

2006-11-08T23:03:00.000-08:00

well, i wanted to see that phrase at least once today. hehehe. yes, it's my birthday. and let's just say, i'm realizing how small i am... something that these poor kids have understood (all too well) for a long time. more of Him, less of me... it's a painful process.

love you all... i'll let you know how this goes...

Not for the faint of heart.

2006-11-06T22:57:00.000-08:00

So, I know I just got done saying that I needed to be less morbid, but I just need to share this with you. I want you all to get a good look at Nothando. She is my statistic. Nothando is the face of the AIDS pandemic, and I'm going to do all that i can to make sure that she and all the other millions are not forgotten. In order to put an end to this, we will all have to take some personal responsibility for it. When you look at this picture, please ask yourself what this means to you, in your own life.

thank you

2006-11-01T00:56:00.000-08:00

Still don't have much to say, but I would just like to thank everyone for your sweet words of encouragement through your e-mails and blog comments. It's easy to feel alone here, but I am so comforted knowing that I have the prayer support of many... Thanks for the reminders (that I am never alone). You have no idea how much it means to me.

...

2006-10-31T08:13:00.000-08:00

Baby Nothando gave up her fight this morning. I don't know quite what to say. Sometimes there just aren't any words.

RATED G

2006-10-30T21:30:00.000-08:00

So, I’ve been thinking… My posts are probably a bit too morbid. I don’t want to mislead you into thinking that everything here is depressing and horrible. On the contrary, I have never been happier to be somewhere. In fact, it’s hard to not let myself get consumed with thinking about how difficult it will be to leave Sparrow. I still have quite a while here, but it’s already a concern of mine. There are so many things I’d like to implement, but I can’t because I won’t be here to see them through. Anyway, I feel as though I’ve left out a lot of basic details about what my life at Sparrow is like. So, I’ll share with you what a “typical” day for me looks like:
12am-go to bed
1am- fall asleep
5am- wake up
5:15am- wake up
5:45am- wake up
6:30am- wake up
….. [this continues for a while… I think it’s a combination of the malaria pills, inconsistent temperature, dogs barking (there’s an animal shelter nearby… and many of the refugees live in my house), gunshots (don’t worry, there’s a shooting range nearby), and babies crying.]
9am- actually get up (although I’ve been up by 6am the last several days)
10am- eat yogurt with granola
11am- wander around, playing with the toddlers outside… say hello to the adults and kids in the hospice.
12pm- feed the babies in the hospice… get pooped on, spit-up on… yeeeeah.
1pm- eat leftovers or go to the admin break room to be served some curry, stew, or pap ( a tasteless corn-based, grits-like matter)
1:30pm- go to Coronation Hospital to visit the really sick kiddos
3pm- arrive back at Sparrow to help kids during “homework time”… Often, the ‘teachers’ don’t show up, so I get to fill in.
4pm- work specifically with the ones who need extra help, the special needs kids
5pm- play with the kids in the clusters/ yell at kids to stop hurting each other and play nicely
6pm- begin to wonder what I’ll do for supper/ feed babies/ hold babies
7pm- scrounge something up to eat/ go with Corine (the director), Pauline, and Karl (the doctor) to Mimmos Pizza (more like flatbread with weird toppings)
8:30pm- check on the kids to make sure they’re not getting into trouble
9:30pm- finish resolving whatever issue was at hand :O)
10:00pm- discuss the day’s happenings with Pauline (my retired roommate… and a very regular volunteer here, who specializes in many of the non-health issues at Sparrow)/ plan for the next day/ vent and brainstorm about what changes need to be made
11pm- sit outside, look up at the stars, look out at the Johannesburg skyline, process things, cry, and pray
12am- start over

[Of course, the schedule gets a bit more hectic when you add in the weekly: sleepovers, marimba practice, karate practice, swim lessons, field trips, music/ game night (the kids love to sing worship songs), music practice (teaching kids to read music, etc.), shopping for kids’ supplies, admin meetings, student council meetings, movie night, Saturday morning tutoring and art, Sunday church… and a partridge and a pear tree]

Loving the chaos. -stacy

a miracle?

2006-10-30T03:10:00.000-08:00

I just got back from Coronation hospital. I'm a bit nervous to say it, but Nothando is actually doing better! Thank you for your prayers... There is absolutely no other explanation for this. Keep praying... she has a very, very, very long fight still ahead of her. I am in such shock. I mean, her breathing has been so labored that I was convinced she had broken some ribs and collapsed a lung. I tried breathing like that, and I couldn't keep it up for more than 10 seconds. Meanwhile, this tiny disease-filled skeleton of a person has been doing it for days. And she has been fighting since the minute she was born. I know the Lord is holding her in His hands. I need to understand that a little more. She is in His hands... which means it's okay if He takes her. Nevertheless, I'm still praying for miracles, and I hope you will join me.
As for Joel, he is in need of your prayers very much, as well. The doctors have verified that he does, in fact, have the drug-resistant form of TB. Please pray for this frail 12-yr old boy...that he will be comforted, and that the doctors will be able to quickly locate which chemical he is resistant to... so that they will still be able to help him.
I'll try to update you on my life a little bit more, but to sum it up: I never would have ever thought I'd be facing the issues I've faced in the last week.... How strange it is that the words "AIDS, TB, riot, pneumonia, death, poverty, and wealth" are now common in my vocabulary.

"I carry your heart, I carry you in my heart"

2006-10-26T23:29:00.002-07:00

Good morning. You all should still be sleeping... I'm 6 hours ahead of most of you. And I've been up since 5am... so 11pm your time. I haven't been sleeping well at all the last few nights. I think it's a combination of the malaria pills and the fact that I have way too much on my mind. The last few days have been pretty depressing, to say the least.
At the hospital yesterday, I thought little Nothando was going to die in my arms. She is struggling so much... I don't know how much longer she can fight. I rode with Pauline there, but was not able to leave her after just an hour... so I stayed for another 4 hours, and Dr. Karl drove me home after he got off work. (He works at that hospital, Coronation.) I felt slightly better leaving then, because Corine (the director here) had brought Nothando's mother to the hospital, in case it was her last few moments. This brought on a whole other string of emotions. And, since Karl was driving, we took a short cut that I had never been on before... Right through the squatter camps, with shacks and garbage all over the place. Although, after a few minutes, we were right back among the 2 and 3 story houses. My heart has never been heavier.
When we arrived back at Sparrow, I had to go outside to be alone and cry because there were kids inside my dome, and I couldn't let them see me like that. Soon I had to go help some kids with a school project, so I went into the "clusters" where the kids live and play. Well, no matter how sad I was, it didn't take long before I was smiling and laughing with the kids-- playing hopscotch and basketball (I taught the guys how to play HORSE!) There is this constant conflict between hope and despair battling inside of me... and inside this village. Although, I stand more amazed each day at just how strong the human spirit is.

update

2006-10-26T03:55:00.000-07:00

Thank you for your prayers. Little Nothando has survived the last two nights. However, I am getting ready to go to the hospital again to check on her... I pray she is still with us.
Also, Joel is much better... He may have to stay in the hospital another two weeks, just so that he does not spread the TB to the other kids here at Sparrow.
Blessings.

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST

2006-10-25T01:24:00.000-07:00

PLEASE PRAY FOR NOTHANDO! (pronounced NOH-TAHN-DOE)

If you've read the below journal "Joys and Sorrows," then you know who Nothando is. Yesterday she was taken to the hospital (Coronation, the same place where Joel and another little baby are). We went to visit them, and I went straight to find Nothando, my baby. She is doing horribly. She can't even cry anymore... or lift her little arms up to be held. She just stares.... whimpers a bit. Among her many problems (all stemming from her VERY low cell count), she has a tumor inside her lower lip, which they have to give her medicine for. It's always a toss up with these little ones as to whether the medicines will kill them or make them stronger. I don't know how much fight she has left.
I couldn't stop crying, as I walked around the room with her in my arms. I felt like an idiot, because the room was full of mothers sitting by their dying babies... not one of them crying. Everyone stared at me, for numerous reasons, I'm sure. Corine (the director, who had driven us to the hospital) drove back to Sparrow, while I held Nothando, to bring her mother to the hospital because Corine "had a bad feeling" about Nothando making it through the night.
I am begging you to pray for this little one. We call prayer chains for broken legs and illness; I am asking you to all pray for a miracle for my baby-- for Nothando's life to be saved.

TODAY’S JOYS AND SORROWS

2006-10-25T01:21:00.000-07:00

(written: 23 October 2006)

Joy- Lilian giving me her bread—Lilian is a little girl whose mother lives here in the hospice. Diana is another little girl in a similar situation. They are both around the age of 6, and are so precious. They’ve become my shadows. It’s actually been a bit difficult for me to handle in the last couple of days, because the girls don’t usually want to leave my side… When they are being called away by their sick mothers. I’m not happy about this, but I do love these little girls. Anyway, Lilian’s mother had just come home from the hospital in town, and Lilian had not eaten much all day… Her mother gave her a bread bun to eat until she could get some more food… and Lilian instantly looked up at me, tore her bread in half, and tried to hand it to me… with the most pure and innocent look I’ve ever seen. It was the highlight of my week.

Sorrow- Joel, “the pain is too much!” Joel is the 12 year old boy with the very low t-cell count, who looks like he is about 8 because of his frail body. He was taken to the hospital this week (when this happens, you know things are not good… because it extends beyond the means of our own hospice). Well, a few days ago, he was moved into “seclusion” because he has TB, among other things. This poor little one sits in a glass room by himself, except for the brief moments when we visit him each day…. And have to smile at him behind medical masks. Anyway, when we went to visit him today, the nurse came to inject the medicine into the tube in his arm… and he yelled in agony. These children experience so much pain and sickness each day…. It takes a lot for them to cry out in pain. I just had him squeeze my hand… don’t know what else to do.

Joy- blowing bubbles with Diana. I already told you who she is, but to tell you a bit more about this precious little one: Diana’s mom is too sick to even walk around, unlike Lilian’s mom. Diana also is a special needs child… It’s hard to tell, but she does process things a little differently. When she hits a child out of fun and then they try to hit her back, I will yell at both of them…. But she can’t handle being called down… I guess she can’t handle the disappointment, because she just gets very sad and hides her face for a while. So, when this happened today, I waited a while, and then dug out some bubbles that I had brought with me for the kids to play with. I took Diana and Lilian outside to blow and chase bubbles. This cheered her right up, and she has the most amazing smile… Her whole face lights up. I’ll soon have photos to share with you.

Sorrow- Nothando has stopped crying… now she just stares. This is the little 2 year old who is smaller than a 2 month old. She is skin and bones, except for her bloated stomach. Her name means “loved one,” and I love her so much. She is my baby here. I recently discovered that her mother does actually live here at Sparrow; she just rarely visits her dying baby. Her mother is very young and is sick, as well. Anyway, I’ve struggled with the caregivers all week about “spoiling” Nothando by picking her up, because she cries to be picked up and they don’t want to deal with it. Dr. Karl has told me to give her extra attention, but I’m trying not to cause any trouble at the same time. Well, today when I visited her, she wasn’t crying to be picked up… This is very worrisome to me.

Joy- listening to a bunch of crazy kids play the marimbas and drums, something they take pride in. A group of nearly 20 kids were able to go to England to perform the marimbas. They took the trip in May, I believe, but it meant so much to them… as they hardly even leave Sparrow, so leaving the country is a huge deal! I went to their rehearsal tonight, and it was wonderful. Some were playing, while some were singing and dancing to the music. This is one aspect that always reminds me I’m in Africa; while other things may seem pretty Westernized here in South Africa, the music is usually quite native… and I love it.

extreme

2006-10-23T13:43:00.000-07:00

--written earlier today--
So let’s talk about some of the other extremes I’ve observed so far here in South Africa.

*extreme wealth vs. extreme poverty
For those of you who have been on mission trips before, you may not see a worse degree of poverty here in South Africa. After having gone to Mexico and Jamaica on mission trips, I was prepared for people living in shacks made of cardboard and scrap metal. What I could not have prepared myself for was the extreme gap in social class. It is more severe here than anywhere else in the world. For example, in many areas, you may see a mansion nicer than anything you’ve seen before… sitting just a few blocks from one of the poorest shacks you’ve ever seen. For the most part, the classes are divided into different suburbs/townships… But for so much wealth and so much poverty to reside in the same area… it’s insane. You might not notice it on the tourist visit to Capetown, but it is the saddest and most definitive aspect of South Africa. South Africa is very similar to Australia, except in this way, as Australia is a very egalitarian society… which is what I loved most about it.
*positive vs. negative
These words have the power to make or destroy a life. The definitions of these terms are quite different for us in the States. Here, “positive” is the worst word you can hear… While “negative” has a very positive connotation. Of course, this is due to the fact that South Africa has the worst AIDS epidemic in the world. Thus, the words “positive and negative” are solely used in conjunction with HIV. Here, being “positive” means your life is essentially over… It is the beginning of the end. Meanwhile, being “negative” means one still has a chance! This is the world I am living in… one that is positive and negative.
*sickness
Here’s another extreme for me. I have never in my life seen such sickness… so many people that are SO sick. Babies, mothers, children, men. It is a very strange feeling watching a mother waste away while she holds her baby whom she has infected. Knowing your child will have to suffer so much after you pass on; this must be the worst feeling in the world. Still, many of the mothers are so sweet and joyful.
*violence
This country is very violent, but it is actually quite miraculous that it’s as peaceful as it is… considering that apartheid just ended here a little over a decade ago! The crime is still very bad. The downtown area of Joburg is completely off-limits to Whites. I cannot explore, as I usually do. I don’t even leave Sparrow, with the exception of hospital visits and eating out from time to time… Of course, that’s always with someone driving who knows what they’re doing. I have to obey the rules of this country and its people, and not be a stupid American. So far, I’ve done pretty well.
*extremely friendly vs. guarded
For the most part, everyone here is very friendly. However, many are also very cautious and guarded. This has been my greatest struggle here at Sparrow. Some of the children are afraid to get close because they have been abandoned so many times before. The first question many of them ask is when I’ll be leaving. At the same time, nearly all of the children have come running toward me with open arms, saying “mama- mama” since the first time they saw me. The children have not been the most difficult part at all… It’s actually the staff that I’ve had trouble getting close to. The “caregivers” are a staff that work under the nurses here. Generally, they are pretty closed off at first. I’m trying to earn their respect and trust, but it isn’t easy to figure out what is helping and what is irritating. For example, they don’t like me picking up the babies because it “spoils” them. I’m sure I’ll discuss this topic much more in the future… But I need to go spoil some more babies… It’s lunch time!

planes, curry, and automobiles

2006-10-21T05:45:00.001-07:00

[This background info is a bit dull... but hang in there]

So it’s been a week since my departure… and a crazy week it was. It has been a week of many extremes—more than I’ve ever come across in my lifetime. For example, this was my first time flying solo, in a literal sense… I had flown back from Australia by myself, but this was my first time going overseas on my own. (Not to mention, South Africa is very, very far!) The first 8-hour flight to London was not so bad; however it was an international experience right from the beginning, as I flew “Air India” out of Chicago. The flight attendants wore their traditional Saris, and I was served extremely spicy curry… which made me a bit nervous, seeing as how I was stuck on an airplane. Luckily, I had yogurt with it to calm things down a bit. :O) Despite the two babies that were crying in front of me the whole time, I was able to get a little sleep.
Things got a little crazy once I arrived in London. I thought I’d have enough time on my layover to venture into the city, so I stood in the line for immigration. I had just gotten my stamp when the officer asked what day I would be leaving. When I told him I would be leaving in about 7 hours, he said, “Oh noooo, you don’t have time for that… Just go on to your terminal and have a bit of a sandwich.” A sandwich?! That hardly compares to the sights of London, but okaaaaaaay…. I then went back to “flight connections” which had previously had no line at all, and now was about a quarter mile long. No joke. After standing in line with my heavy carry-on bag for about 2 hours, security personnel told me that I could not have both a purse AND a bag… well, let’s just say that things got pretty crazy after that… it involves a custodian sitting on my backpack, losing something very important, stuffing and emptying my bag about 5 times, getting in trouble for filling my water bottle up at the airport water fountain (when I thought I was going into London), smuggling a bag of items I had meant to stick in my suitcase, and sweet talking about 6 security guards.) ugh! It was harder to get into the shopping area than it was to get on the plane OR into the country!!! By the time I made it into the terminal, I was exhausted and literally had to fight falling asleep. Although, there were a million little shops to keep me distracted.
The next plane was much newer, and much smaller. My legs were literally pinned between mine and the seat in front of me…. For all 11 hours. I thought I would be clever: by ordering the vegetarian meal, I would be served first. You’ll never guess what they were serving for the veggie dish: MORE SPICY CURRY! With the tight space, I did not sleep a wink. It was horrible. Due to my sleep loss, I began getting very very sick, and then I couldn’t eat the rest of the time. The only good thing about this flight was meeting Jo. Jo is a very sweet young woman who lives in Joburg. She is a speech therapist and often works in the HIV unit of Johannesburg General Hospital… She had also spent a year working with patients in a tribal village near Swaziland. My conversations with her were more enlightening than any materials I’ve read or movies I’ve seen. She gave me her contact info, and I felt much better knowing at least one Joburg-ian.
I was so sick when I arrived. After surviving the horrible customs line and gathering YES BOTH of my bags!!... I was very excited to see a sign, reading “Stacy Beery—Sparrow Village” Johnny was unable to greet me at the airport due to a lack of transportation. (For those of you who don’t know, Johnny Wakefield is a friend I graduated with. He was the one who told me about Sparrow’s Nest, because he is working at the Nazarene headquarters in Joburg and had volunteered at Sparrow.) Pauline, my dome-mate, was the one holding the sign. Just getting out of the airport was pretty difficult.. the driving is crazy here. Of course, everything is opposite and manual… So I cannot drive. Pauline has been here several times before, and is pretty high up on the chain of command. As we drove to Sparrow, I was amazed at the sights I saw: beautiful homes, shopping centers, a big city skyline. This is just scratching the surface of the great “extremes” I spoke of earlier, but we will have to save the rest for later.

my first "top five"

2006-10-18T15:20:00.000-07:00

TOP FIVE THINGS ENGRAVED IN MY MIND, SO FAR:

1) The BEAUTIFUL face of Joel, the new love of my life-- He is 12 years old, appears to be maybe 5, has a T-cell count of less than 4 (whereas yours and mine are somewhere around a thousand), and who has been at Sparrow for 3 weeks.
2) The little ones-- the sound of them at play outside my window, touching the little children whose photos I had stared at for weeks... and (the thing I REALLY cannot stop thinking about) the little baby boy who kept following me around crying, arms spread, calling me "Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma." He didn't want anyone to hold him but me. How do you walk away from that???
3) The words of the woman sitting next to me on the plane... about how in many areas around here, men who are the un-natural fathers claim rights to their wives' young daughters... in every way.
4) Listening to Pauline's (my house-mate) response when I asked why she was walking up to the house (instead of returning in the van). She said she had to park it at the front gate because she couldn't get it around the giant Hearse that was parked in the way.
5) Watching a little girl dancing wildly to birthday music being played, as her doctors chatted about her .04 cell count when she first arrived at Sparrow.

miracles do happen, and they are happening here.

i must be off to bed now... still recovering from the jetlag.

a ship sailing

2006-10-14T23:52:00.000-07:00

[slightly modified letter]

"A ship in a harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are for." -John A. Shedd

Dear friend,
I have exciting news to share with you! Please journey with me as I tell you of the wonderful ways that the Lord has been at work in my life over the past couple of years. As you probably know, I studied abroad in Australia the first semester of my junior year of college at Olivet Nazarene University. Through my studies at Kingsley Wesleyan College in Melbourne and various experiences there, I was able to grow in ways I never could have imagined. Without a doubt, the largest contribution to my growth was separation. I was taken out of every comfort zone I knew and thrown onto the opposite end of the globe, without knowing a soul. I had no cell phone, no set itinerary, and ‘no worries, mate!’ God had me right where he wanted me... alone. You may have heard the song lyrics, "I choose to be Holy... Set apart for You, My Master, ready to do Your will." It is when you are stripped of everything that you are truly forced to rely on God and are able to do His will. I assure you, God wants you alone...in one way or another... There is so much He is waiting to share with you... and with me. Needless to say, during this time, I was able to hear from God in ways I never had before. He began whispering many things to me in those still moments, and one of these whispers involved myself and missions to Africa.
For a long time, that’s all I had: me, missions, and Africa. Since that time, God has guided me down a winding river to bring me to the place where I stand today. He has spoken to me through His Word, though dreams, through total strangers, through various service opportunities, and in so many others ways to get my attention. For quite a while now, I have attempted to serve through a mission organization. Specifically, I intently pursued becoming a Nazarene World Mission volunteer to Africa. Well, through a strange course of events (which I would love to share with you), God showed me that He had different plans for me than I had for myself. For the first time throughout this whole process, I can assuredly say that I have complete peace about where God has placed me. Don’t get me wrong, I am of course a bit nervous about the task which lies ahead (which is why I need your prayers), but I know this is His will for my life right now, which gives me fulfilling joy that overcomes all fear!
So let me tell you a bit about this wonderful place to which the Lord has led me. Welcome to Sparrow’s Nest Rainbow Village: the first AIDS village in South Africa (and in the world).
"Sparrow Village is an inter-denominational Ministry of Help... caring for destitute terminally ill adults and children with HIV/AIDS. We primarily function as an in-patient hospice facility offering comprehensive medical, nursing, psychological, social, spiritual, educational and occupational care -- through a multi-disciplinary team."
Despite the thousands of people who have passed on since its start in 1992, Sparrow refuses ‘to be stunned into passivity by this silent killer’ and holds true to its motto of "GET UP AND LIVE!" Specifically, I will primarily be working with the beautiful children of this village, known simply as "the sparrows." Most of these children will not survive past their pre-adolescence; however, through this ministry, they will be able to see and experience the love of Jesus, first hand. "No child should live or die alone." Please listen to the following story, told by founder Corine McClintock, of how Sparrow Ministries got its start:
"[The name] Sparrow Ministries was impressed on my heart by the Lord. The world is full of little sparrows, insignificant but plentiful little birds. We are very like them in many aspects. I believe that God wanted to show us that this was not a racial, intellectual, or select community – but just ordinary people needing help. And so, we chose the unbiased name of Sparrow. Singular, because we are all single in God’s Sight. This was confirmed when one patient confided in me one day, and mentioned that nobody would ever remember him, once he had gone...With joy, and emotion, I recited Matthew 10:29, 'Not one sparrow falls to the ground, and God is aware of it, you are worth more than many sparrows.’ Thus, Sparrow Ministry began and our remembrance tree was born. The tree bears the names of all our precious patients who have passed on to the Lord, and once a year we hold a remembrance service and invite relatives and friends, who on that day, bury all their regrets, hurts, and guilt and start to live again."
By visiting http://StacyBeery.blogspot.com, you will be able to read my journals/ updates and view new photos each week. Also, by clicking on the "Sparrow" links on this website, you will be able to read more of these stories and see the beautiful faces of Sparrow. I encourage you to visit this online resource today, so that you may begin the adventure with me. I need your prayer and encouragement so much already. However, I ask that instead of just praying for my safety, you would pray that the Lord will make me dangerous. As Matthew 11 states, "...the kingdom of God has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men and women lay hold of it!" God did not create us to remain ships in a harbor. For you, ‘being dangerous’ may not mean going to Africa... Maybe it’s speaking to the stranger in the elevator, inviting a co-worker over for dinner, letting go of a harmful dependency, listening with an open-mind, or making eye contact with the sea of faces you pass by each day. I seek to travel through uncharted waters, and this is why I need your prayers. Having faith, I am asking God to give you clarity and peace about what your role might be in my journey.
Thank you in advance for your partnership in prayer as we accomplish this journey of love, together.

May God be with you in the coming weeks!
Stacy

around the world in 90 days

2006-10-14T23:26:00.000-07:00

well, it's the night before. technically, the day of. (departure, that is) i'm feeling.... i have no idea what i'm feeling. all i know is that somewhere between packing socks and cotton balls, i started to cry. i have so much on my mind that i cannot think of any one thing clearly. i seriously feel as though i'm looking at everything with one eye open.... it all just appears like a shallow wall in front of me. needless to say, i've had to stop packing for a little while... because i was packing about one item per half hour. too bad i don't have time to be in slow motion. i can't believe that tomorrow is it! really... i'm not sure why, but it really still does not seem like i'm leaving tomorrow, and i think that is what's scaring me the most. i'm kind of in shock. maybe it's worse this time because i've been preparing for this and working toward it for so long. for the last two years it has always been something in the distance, and now it's actually here! while i'm in shock, i still cannot stop thanking God for the miracle He has brought me to.
it's a strange thing. the last few days i've been very selective about everything i've eaten, done, etc. because i knew it would be the last time i tasted or tried doing it for a while. i cared more about relationships and those in my life. saw family i haven't seen in months. and i cannot help but think... is that how these amazing little "sparrows" are able to live life to the fullest each day? they know their days are numbered... they don't think they're invincible, as the rest of us do. or maybe it's the opposite: maybe they do think they're invincible, because of the freedom they find in Jesus Christ. and maybe that's why they live such bright little lives. well, maybe some light will be shed on this soon.
hopefully, the rest of these posts will be more content and less jumble... but who knows! i'm sure there will be far TOO much to type. but i'm going to try to post as often as possible. i think i'll post my "support" letter, to shed some light for those who have not yet seen it. it will explain much more about this mysterious place to which i am going. may the journey begin! (eek!) :O)

Beginnings

2006-08-22T14:14:00.000-07:00

This week, I was accepted to Sparrow's Nest Rainbow Village. I am creating this blogsite as a way to record my journey there and beyond.